I am not an angler. In fact, the last time I wetted a line so to speak was…. Well, I cannot remember. It was well before I was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma which was some nine plus years ago.
Last November, prior to my Car T cell procedure, I got a call from some old friends asking about my availability for a fishing trip. Long ago we used to fish, and we had some inglorious moments while fishing. None the less, would it not be fun to take another fishing trip? We have not fished together for some 45 – 50 years. It sounded fun. I was getting ready for the Car T procedure and really did not know what the future would hold. I said I would go however made it clear that everything depended on my health.
Fast forward to April and I am feeling surprisingly well. I started to get excited because I knew in the back of my mind, I might get to spend time fishing in Canada with good friends from long ago. But again, everything was dependent on my health. So, the excitement was tempered and a “we shall see” attitude dominated.
On to June, and my numbers look fine except that my Neutrophils and my Immunoglobulin G numbers were very low. I needed some shots to boost up my immune system. No big deal because my monoclonal peak is not detectable and that has always been the marker as to how I am progressing Multiple Myeloma wise. The fishing trip was still a go, but I began having some reservations. My numbers were ok, not great. And certainly not great for traveling.
Then came July. The monoclonal peak is still not detectable off the blood draw. My Neutrophils and Immunoglobulin G numbers are still very low. In fact, lower than June. More uncertainty about my blood numbers and my immune system. More shots. Worry - yes. Disappointment was creeping in. It was difficult to stay positive. I really wanted to go fishing. However more to the point, I became frustrated with the almost unending uncertainty of where I am at or how healthy I am. I believe that my Car T procedure was/is a success. However, what is with the low Nuetrophil and G’s numbers?
Managing MM is an unending task with little stability or certainty. Yes, the disease needs to be managed physically but also there is a need to manage the mind and the spirit.
The Car T procedure has not been the end of my MM management. I am still dealing with health questions and having to check with the doctors about where I am and if I can go fishing. I fancied that getting permission to “do” was something that ended when I graduated from high school and left home. I guess not. That realization was/is quite the downer.
It is what it is. Cancer is cancer and it is not a walk in the park. This is my life, and I am incredibly grateful that I get to even think about fishing in Canada However …. It is quite easy to feel sorry for oneself if you choose that path.
August 12th and my friends fly in to begin our trip. I have a zoom meeting with my doc at 8:00 in the morning that same day to review the latest blood draw which took place last Thursday. I had a big shot of something (I forget what it was, but its purpose is to increase the neutrophil count) on Friday because I needed to improve my “numbers.” The discussion during our meeting was focused on whether I should go on the fishing trip.
After some serious consideration, I am told that it is my choice. I can go and have fun but be careful. Do not cut yourself. Wear gloves and do not get stuck by a hook. Stay away from most people, especially those that are sneezing and coughing a lot. Avoid a fever. I ask if there is anything I can do to avoid a fever and am told “not really” – fever just sort of finds you. I am to take my temperature every day and if it spikes high get some medical attention as soon as possible. Do not bait the hook or touch the fish if caught. Be careful.
My father once told me to remember that in life there are no guarantees or sure bets. And that there are no free lunches. And that often you just must do it yourself if you want to get something done.
So, on August 15th in Kenora Ontario Canada I sat waiting to go fishing. We were to fly out in about two hours.
Yes, I could get sick. Yes, it would have been easier to stay home. I know to be prudent and wise. Yes, I understand my situation. But….?
Long story short – I went fishing.
We will see what happens next but brother, occasionally it feels good, no it feels exceptionally good - to like your life.
Comments